The following is an attempt to transcribe actual conversation between actual women.
NIE: How in the heck did you get this guy?
YROD, pretending to be magic by pulling her wrists down like snakes between her eyes:
Penis size. No man should be wearing white tights. There should be a law. They have no right! BAD!!!!
NIE: What, have tight whites turned you into a lesbian?
TAK: He still has gas and he’s breaking through those whities.
YROD: Should be off limits. They should be banned.
TAK: No, if he has to fart it’s gonna get stained. You cannot keep them clean! They fart all the time and they kill their underwear. They get blasted. They’re just not well designed.
YROD, from a distance: We are the anti-tight white women.
I swear to GOD we are going to march in the street!
TAK is the queen of butt quarters. She loves ENJA and is so glad that she is okay.
YROD has just come in from smoking outside. The others, we sang “smoking in the boys room.” But now they are talking about smoking in the girls room without any prompting from me.
ENJA says you can’t shave his hairy back.
TAK says you have to shave your armpits.
YROD says she’s traumatized because she has a hairy back and feels really bad and we will never see it now.
NASH, returning from the bathroom, shouts, “C’mere!” because she doesn’t believe and wants to see. YROD “takes it back.” But now we all want to know if we can braid the hair on her back.
NASH snorts and chortles.
The consensus is that YROD really does have a hairy patch on her back.
LEN thinks it’s cute. And ENJA says if she showed it to someone else they would find it cute.
YROD is going outside to cry and have a cig.
NASH, who missed it, is still crying, “I want to see it!”
ENJA: But YROD is seriously crying out there.
Now we’re talking about how sex is work.
Everyone is tired. TAK says that American Idol and her snuggi have ruined her sex life. It’s the end of the day; can we just go to sleep? I don’t need any more cock in my life. I’m all f*cked out.
You’ve got your snuggi and your American idol and you’re all fucked out.
We do it once a month and it is work. Work.
ENJA: When I first met him we f*cked like wild rabbits. It was like, get me here!
TAK: Now the last thing on my mind is your f*cking nut sack in my face.
Many words about nut sacks and penis and what it is doing in my face and please remove it.
TAK: For him it is work, too. You have to bend in different ways
This is followed by a discussion of various ways that one has to bend.
NIE: So, you don’t have to go to the gym?
TAK: I take the bus. I f*cking run for the bus. I climb onto it. I’m on the bus and I’m like, I can’t believe this is my life. People on their cell phones telling all the details about their lives. Everyone’s urinary and testicular problems are right there. I wanna ask the driver if I can get off at the Smithfield bridge because I’m jumping.
Apparently, the most unlikely people are having active and satisfying sex lives.
TAK: I’m like, you’re like 500 pounds and you’re happier than I am.
We have taken a vote and YROD is going to keep her hair, which truly is not significant enough to even to be considered a “patch.” However TAK has suggested that YROD’s true father was Sasquatch.
YROD says she can go there.